Birch - A Short Story

I was spinning in darkness and slowly became aware of my upset stomach. I felt it gurgle, calling out to me in a way that did not beg for food, but in a way that begged for me to sit up in order to rush the stomach acid back in place. I was laying on my back. I could not open my eyes. They felt crusted over and I took my time to pull apart my sticky eyelashes, allowing a dim light to peek through. The light fluttered through my squinting eyelids and then I inhaled deeply, noticing the clean breath I had just taken in, and then with a slow exhale I tightened my eyelids and blinked open as hard as I could to separate the top lids from the bottoms. I hated when my eyes would feel sticky this way. I thought about my allergies and how tree pollen would do this to me every year. When I blinked I saw a gray sky and the tops of trees. The trees were tall, their branches swayed across the weathered sky. This confused me because I had no idea how I ended up waking up surrounded by trees.

I wasn’t in my bed at home. I wasn’t surrounded by the four walls of my bedroom that were decorated with paintings and other extravagant wall hangings. I wasn’t woken up by the sweet panting of my dog, Brutus. He was the first face I would see every single morning. He would walk me to the bathroom where I would take my allergy medication. Brutus was nowhere in sight. He would try to race me back to the bed every morning, knowing that once I would get out from underneath the sheets, I wouldn’t be returning to the spot until night. He’d jump on the bed and dig through the blankets, with a look on his face that seemed to be begging me not to leave the room. I always made sure that he followed me down the upstairs hallway, down the hand-carved staircase, and straight into the kitchen so that I could make sure he would be served his breakfast. We had the same routine every single morning ever since my sister passed away. This time, waking up was an ordeal and I felt as though every inch of my body had been strained in some way.

My arms were outstretched, reaching out as far as they could, as if I had been pulled from side to side by two opposing forces and then left in place. Left alone in the middle of a forest. My palms were down in the dirt, pressed against the earth beneath me. I felt airy pieces of grass between my fingers. My upset stomach called out to me again, causing my head to spin. So I rolled over to one side and felt wet dirt and moss touch my cheek. Pushing myself up from the forest floor was daunting but I managed. My stomach lurched and my body felt like a sandbag. I looked around and saw nothing but white birch trees. 

I shifted my legs and noticed that my feet were bare. When I looked down at my body, I saw that I was wearing a dirtied cotton flannel shirt and jeans, but I did not recognize these articles of clothing that separated my sandbag body from the slight dampness of the ground. Where were my shoes? I didn’t know why, but that was what I asked myself first. Secondly, I asked myself where the hell was I. Nothing came to mind when I hoped for an answer, but this forest wasn’t anything I had any recollection of. At my feet, I noticed a rectangular object covered by a cluster of birch leaves. I stretched to retrieve the object and yanked it toward me. I held a worn leather notebook in my hands with pages that looked brittle and aged. This notebook didn’t look familiar to me either in any way. I quickly looked around, scanning my surroundings, with a feeling that I was being watched. I didn’t see anyone, or any forest-dwelling animal, so my eyes were drawn back to the out-of-place notebook.

I flipped through the pages and saw that there was nothing written down. Nothing at all. I took a moment and set the notebook down at my side, wondering why had I been left alone in the middle of the woods, wearing clothes that weren’t my own, without shoes, and with a strange notebook housing blank pages. None of this was making sense to me.

My eyes scanned between the trees once more, looking between the branches and bushes and overgrown grass. I still had the feeling that I was being watched, but my tired eyes saw no one lurking in the trees. I suspected that someone had brought me here. My body was the sorest it’s ever been. Had I been beaten, knocked unconscious, and then taken away from my home? Or was it a possibility that I sleepwalked out of my bed and wandered out here on my own? That didn’t explain the clothes or the notebook and I had never sleep walked before. Brutus would have definitely woken me up with his barking if something as unordinary as sleepwalking occurred. He would warn me when anything would get in the way of our routine. So why was I not jolted awake by my old pal? Did he know where I was? Did he notice if I was acting strange or if somebody had entered my bedroom and had taken me away in my apparently heavy sleep? I ran my fingers through my hair in confusion as I exhaled loudly. My eyes were drawn back to the leather notebook that accompanied me. I picked it up and flipped through the pages quickly, wondering if I had missed anything written down. When I got to the last page and saw nothing new, I closed the book shut and stared at the cover. I don’t know why, but I waited several seconds before opening the cover to look at the first page. To my surprise, there was something written there that I hadn’t seen before.

Welcome to the answers you seek, Donovan.

That was all that was written on the first page and in my head, I thought I heard a dark voice speak those words; speak my name. Startled, I dropped the notebook and stared at it, expecting something to happen. I could have sworn that those words were not written there before. My eyes darted through the trees once more and I was still alone, sitting with this mysterious book. I picked up the book again and held my breath as I opened the cover. I stared at the words, welcome to the answers you seek, but this time there was no voice in my head. Then, I saw the page starting to bleed. Red ink seeped through the page a line under the first sentence. Letters were forming, speaking, and I heard the voice again.

Drag your heels through the forest brush and stumble upon the stone wall.

The sentence appeared on the page right before my eyes. I didn’t know what to think. All I could do was stare at the red ink that bled words onto an old page. Words that were written in an elegant script, that weren’t there a moment before. I touched the letters on the page and ran my fingers over the writing. When I pulled my hand away, I was expecting to have some of the ink smear onto my fingertips but there were no smudges. The words were clean. I shut the book and grunted as I hoisted myself up onto my feet. The dirt shifted under my heels as I began to walk. I didn’t know what direction I was meant to go in, so I started walking without giving it much thought. 

I waded through the thickets and tried my best to maneuver through the branches, trunks, and peeling bark of the birch trees. There was tall grass and bushes and overgrowth making it difficult for me. I was especially irritable about having to trek through the woods, barefoot, to find some wall made of stone. Was I even going in the right direction? The way I decided to go looked the easiest to get through. Every other direction from the place I had woken up looked much worse. I kept walking, stepping on splintery bark and fallen sticks. Why didn’t I have shoes? I pushed my way through the trees and noticed how quiet the forest was. Not even a cricket in the distance could be heard. No chirping from nesting birds, no scurrying from woodland squirrels; I could only hear the sound of myself plowing through the thin, leafy branches that insisted on being in my way. I held the notebook tightly in one hand, curious of what I would read on its pages the next time I would open the cover. My stomach growled, which surprised me because I had thought it had settled during the time I was sitting up on the forest floor. I was feeling hungry. I couldn’t remember the last time I had food. I couldn’t even remember what I had been doing before waking up in this sea of birch trees. 

The trees reminded me of my sister, Alaine. Birch trees were her favorite when she was a child and she was convinced that she’d be reincarnated as one after death. She died several years ago. It happened a couple of years after both of our parents had been found dead on their estate. The authorities ruled both my parents' deaths and my sister’s death as homicides, possibly by the same killer. Death by strangulation during a home invasion and the suspect was never found. I was devastated when the news broke about my parents. I was angry. For my parents’ funeral services, Alaine and I scattered their ashes over the ocean. When the news broke about my sister, I was enraged. Enthralled by revenge but there was nothing that I could do. I was attending university at the time, so I did not live on the estate when these horrible incidents happened. When it came time for me to bury my sister, I buried her in the family cemetery that was on our property. One could not view the cemetery from the house, but by walking on a maintained trail you’d be met with the gravestones of my deceased relatives. Now my sister was included. Instead of a headstone, I planted a birch tree sapling to mark her grave. I know that’s what she would’ve wanted. And maybe that means in some way she did get reincarnated as her favorite type of tree. I didn’t really believe in that sort of thing, but I loved my sister and she deserved more than a boring old headstone.

I missed Alaine more than anything. We grew up together and I remember how as children we would wander and play in the forest surrounding the family estate. She used to be afraid of the cemetery and I remember how she would tell me stories about the ghosts she thought she would see lurking behind the statues and trees.

“Donovan! Donovan!” my sister cried as she stopped in the middle of the path to the graveyard.

“What is it, Alaine?” I asked as she grabbed onto the sleeve of my shirt.

“I don’t want to go to the cemetery,” she said meekly.

“Hm?” I tilted my head. “Why not? We can play hide and seek there!”

“There are monsters there,” she pouted.

I laughed. “There are no monsters, Alaine! Just dead people.”

My sister’s eyes went wide and I could see tears forming.

“Dead people?!” she wrapped her arms around herself tightly.

I raised my arms up like a zombie and creeped toward her. “Our dead family!”

She swatted me away. “No! No! No!”

I giggled. “It’s fine, Alaine. They’re not gonna hurt us.”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

I nodded. “They can’t do anything! Their ghosts are gone too.”

She shook her head. “Nuh-uh! I’ve seen them!”

“You’ve seen them?” I asked.

She nodded with a stern look on her face. “I’ve talked to Great Aunt Gwendolyn.”

“Who?” I asked. I didn’t know who she was talking about.

“She’s there!” Alaine stomped her foot.

“Okay, okay!” I said. “If you say so! But I don’t think the ghosts care if we play hide and seek in the cemetery.”

“We won’t bother them?” Alaine asked.

“No, we won’t bother them,” I replied. “Nothing can bother them, really.”

Alaine thought for a moment. “Can we bring Brutus?”

“He’s just a puppy.”

“So?”

I sighed. “As long as we bring him on a leash I think it should be fine. We don’t want him wandering off.”

Alaine giggled. “I can teach him to scare off the ghosts!”

I chuckled. “Brutus is too friendly. He’ll just want to get the ghosts to pet him.”

“He’ll know which ones are good!” Alaine declared.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Okay, we’ll get him. Race you back to the house!”

I took off down the trail, with my sister running after me while laughing and smiling.

I snapped out of my thoughts and continued to walk barefoot through the forest and then stopped to take a moment to breathe. I relished the memory of my sister but it also made my heart sink. It was difficult to think about her. It was difficult to be reminded of how we used to be happy. There was sweat beading on my forehead and my back ached. Then, I heard what sounded like a twig breaking under someone’s shoe. I froze. I held my breath. I didn’t want to move but I knew that I couldn’t keep standing still. I heard the noise ahead of me. Was something walking toward me? My heart sank. The beads of sweat rolled down, almost blinding me. My stomach growled again. I heard footsteps coming toward me. There was no doubt that they were footsteps. It was a distinct sound, definitely different from an animal wandering in the woods. I took a step back, then another, and another, before finally ducking behind some overgrowth hoping that I was not detected. I saw eyes. Dark eyes upon a fur-covered face. It was just a deer. I breathed out slowly with relief. It was just a deer. Although it didn’t have antlers like a deer should, they appeared more like horns the closer I looked. Horns that twisted upward in corkscrew fashion. Perhaps not a deer but something similar? And then my heart sank once more when the horned creature stepped forward through thickets, revealing that its head was attached to broad shoulders and a man’s strong yet slender body.

I couldn’t breath as I watched this bovid man look around the forest. As if he was scanning for something—for me. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. My stomach churned and I wanted to vomit. That’s when it looked right at me. It knew. It saw where I was hiding. It stood there, still. I remained crouched on the ground behind the overgrowth that didn’t conceal me well enough. I felt my heart pounding and then I felt the leather notebook in my hands beat similarly to the heart in my heaving chest.

I looked at the bovid man. He looked at me. The book continued to thump in my hands. I glanced down at the book and then back at the man. He did not move. I didn’t want to move. The book kept thumping and it occurred to me that I should open the cover. I slowly opened the book while my eyes were locked on the creature in the woods. He remained still. I was shaking. I looked down at the page and witnessed the ink bleeding on the page again. A voice boomed in my ears as the ink formed words. Enough hiding and follow me, Donovan.

It was his voice. This was his book. I looked up from the page and stared at the man. He had his arm extended toward me, beckoning me to move to him. I shifted in my crouched position, feeling the rocks beneath my feet dig into my skin. I noticed my eyes feeling sticky again. I had been in this forest for too long and my allergies were starting to make my eyes itch. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear the itching but also hoping to blink away whatever it was that was looking at me in the woods. I wanted it to disappear. I stood up and stepped carefully toward the creature. He turned swiftly and began walking. I followed close behind. I had no way of knowing where we were going. All I knew was that I was supposed to stumble across a stone wall. I guess I was going in the wrong direction after all. My voice was caught in my throat as I hesitated to ask the man a question.

“Who are you?” I asked. I received no answer.

We walked through the forest with no words between us. The trees seemed to move around this creature with ease, as if they were making way for him. I didn’t have to duck or bend or tread carefully. I trailed behind the bovid man at a steady pace. It seemed as though he split through the forest. Like he commanded a clear path forward. I didn’t know what to think. I had no idea where I was or who I was with. I didn’t know anything. For a moment we came to a stop and the bovid man turned to me. The book once again started beating like a heart.

I opened the book and saw nothing new on the first page. I turned to the second page and saw the elegant script appear. We are approaching.

I looked up to face him but he had already turned and begun moving forward. I scampered behind him like a lost dog. We walked and walked and our pace had picked up. We were getting closer to wherever we needed to be. Wherever this bovid man wanted me to be. I looked at his clothing and saw that he was wearing a clean Oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up neatly to his elbows. The shirt was neatly tucked into dark slacks. He wore a belt. His dress shoes were polished and free of dirt, despite our walk through the woods. When I first caught sight of him, I didn’t even think of his clean attire. My clothing was torn and slightly damp. Speckled with dirt and stains. Was he the one who dressed me in these filthy clothes?

Finally, after walking all this time, I saw it in the distance. A tall wall constructed of smooth stones. Then I realized something. That this looked familiar to me. The birch forest was still an unfamiliar sight but the wall—I know this wall. I would climb this wall as a teen. I was afraid of this wall as a boy. It was the wall that enclosed my family’s private cemetery. What was this doing here out in this mysterious forest? We came up to a familiar gate. The bovid man stopped and reached into his pocket, fishing out a familiar key. He unlocked the gate and opened it for me, motioning for me to go inside. Confusion ate away at me as I hesitated to step forward. He motioned once more for me to continue. I swallowed the lump in my throat and went inside. He stepped in behind me and locked the gate, shaking it slightly to make sure it was secure. I looked around and saw headstones. Lots of headstones. Statues. Flowers. A lone birch tree in the middle stretching high and granting shade with its lush leaves. I was speechless. My thoughts were spinning wildly and my heart was in the pit of my churning stomach. The creature moved around me and had begun walking again. I stumbled along. We moved through the headstones and I read the names on each one we stepped by. Gwendolyn Cherwood; my great-great-aunt. Stephen Richter, my father’s brother. Samson Richter, my great-grandfather. There were so many names. So many graves. So much silence among the dead within these walls. I was stunned to see a woman several yards away from us. She stood, turned away from us, under the towering birch. As we got closer, I noticed her French bob haircut and her favorite cotton cardigan and her cropped jeans. My heart sank deeper than it ever sank before. The bovid man led me to her, to this familiar woman. We were drawing nearer and nearer until I stood only a few feet away. She turned. “Hello, Donovan.”

It was my sister, Alaine.

I let out a relieved breathy laugh while running my hands back through my hair and gripping the back of my head. It was my sister. It was Alaine. Alive. She smirked at me, amused by my reaction.

“Alaine,” I stammered. “You’re alive? How can you be alive? I’m so glad. But I—I thought I buried you? Didn’t I?”

Confusion fluttered in my croaking voice.

The bovid man walked over and stood at my sister’s side. He stared at me intently.

Alaine stepped toward me while the creature stood like a statue and embraced me into a hug; something I never thought we’d ever share again. I wrapped my arms around her and took in the moment, grateful for this one piece of familiarity in a sea of dull birch trees and headstones that marked the past.

“H-how are you?” I asked through my relieved breath.

Alaine placed her hands on my shoulders. “I am doing well. You know, better than being down there.” Her eyes were drawn to a plot of churned earth. I read the name and inscription on the tombstone that marked what was once a grave. Alaine Richter. Beloved daughter and sister.

My gaze returned to her and I was met back with her lively eyes staring at me. I laughed. “Brutus is going to be so happy!”

“Oh,” my sister replied, “I’ve missed that boy so much. How is he?”

“Happy as always.” I said. “Protective. Very protective.”

Alaine giggled. “I remember he would always bark at you if you approached me too hastily.”

I laughed. “Now he barks at everyone else and guards me with his life!”

My sister sighed with a smile. “How have you been?”

I could feel heaviness fall upon my eyes. “I’ve been tired,” I said. “Especially right now, actually. What is all this?”

“Have you seen Aunty Evelyn?” Alaine asked as she dropped her arms down to her sides and stepped back from me. She stood next to the bovid man who looked at her with soft eyes.

I shook my head. “She doesn’t come around the house anymore. Not since you…”

“Ah.” Alaine sighed. “I’ve missed her so much. I miss discussing politics with her.”

“You haven’t changed!” I laughed.

“How is the company?” she asked.

“Um. Sold off, actually.” I said.

“Sold off?”

I nodded. “After you… you know… I had no choice.”

Her smile fell from her face. “Donovan, how could you sell?”

I scratched my head. “After you died, there didn’t seem to be a better option.”

“A better option?” she laughed. “So you threw away everything our parents’ had built? Everything they gave us?”

“You mean everything they gave you?” I replied.

Alaine scoffed. “You had as much of a say as I did on everything. I wanted to make sure of that.”

I shook my head.

Alaine glared at me while crossing her arms and tilting her head slightly. “So that’s it?”

I remained silent.

She continued. “So it’s all that then, huh? I die and then you sell what our family worked so hard on, what I worked hard on, what I wanted to make better, and then what, Donovan? You lounge around that big old house and do nothing else for the rest of your life?”

“Is that so bad?”

Alaine scoffed. “You never wanted to put in any work. You’ve always wanted things handed to you.”

I stepped forward and cracked my knuckles. “Our parents always made it so damn hard, you know that!” I felt blood rush to my head.

“That doesn’t give you the right to trade off everything we ever worked for!” she shouted sternly.

I took a deep breath and held my tongue.

My sister’s eyes held fire. “What about Aunty Evelyn? What about her children?” she said. “Now they get nothing, Donovan!”

I laughed. “You know, Alaine, I don’t even know what the hell is happening here, okay? How the hell are you even here? You died!”

“He brought me back,” my sister said as she pointed to the creature.

I still didn’t know what to think. “What do you mean? Brought you back?”

Alaine laughed. “Uh, I was dead, remember?”

“I know! Strangled,” I replied.

Alaine looked at me coldly. “By you.”

I couldn’t speak. My voice was caught behind my tongue. I swallowed dryly and stared at my sister.

Alaine continued to stare at me. As did the bovid man. His twisting horns suddenly seemed more threatening.

“What do you mean, Alaine?” I managed to choke out.

She scoffed. “You can’t play dumb here, Donovan. Truth lives here.”

I remained silent.

“Donovan, you fucking killed me. Choked me. All because you were filled with jealousy and greed.”

My hands were shaking. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Alaine.”

She abruptly stepped forward and pointed her painted finger inches from my face. “You wanted the estate.”

“Not like that!”

“You murdered our mother!” she shouted.

“No I didn’t! They never caught the killer!” Sweat was beading on my forehead once more.

“Then you killed our father!” she continued.

“Alaine, you are confused!” I pleaded.

“And then years later, you killed me,” she said plainly. “You learned you were taken out of our parents’ will. You didn’t care about running the company, you never did, but you did learn how much money you could make if you sold. And you knew that I was never going to agree to sell!”

“Alaine, stop!”

“You couldn’t stand the fact that they left everything to me and not to you. I wanted to give you a say but that wasn’t good enough for you. I was willing to go against their wishes and give you your share! Donovan, long story short, you killed them for everything and when you learned you were going to see none of it, you went after me.”

I couldn’t think of how to reply to her.

“It’s plain and simple,” she said.

I stared at my sister’s face. Her eyes were sinister. My gaze trailed down to her neck and the strangulation marks were in clear view. Her hair wasn’t long enough to hide the markings. My eyes shot over at the bovid man. His arms were resting behind his back. He stood loyally behind my sister, like a soldier awaiting orders. His eyes were locked on me.

I cleared my throat before speaking. “Alaine? Where are we?”

“In the place you trapped me.”

I felt the coolness in the air. I looked up at the birch tree that I had planted to mark Alaine’s grave. This birch tree was much much larger. Stronger. Looming.

I furrowed my brow. “Alaine?”

“Hm?”

“Who is he?” I pointed to the creature who led me here. Alaine smiled at him.

“You have no need to know his name. I made a deal with him and that’s all you really need to know.”

“A deal?”

“Yes, Donovan. A deal.”

“Why can’t I know his name?” I was curious at what the answer would be.

My sister sighed. “In order to make a deal with him you must know his name. He is loyal to anyone who knows his name. That is why I cannot tell you. You’ll use him against me.”

“Well, who told you what his name is?” I asked.

Alaine shook her head. “It’s not important for you to know.”

She stood firmly as I descended into more confusion. What the hell was this creature? What the hell was this place? What exactly is this forest?

Alaine took a step back. “You are going to take my place.”

I stood there, in our family graveyard, speechless. My sister began to slowly walk around me. The bovid man remained unmoving.

“You are going to remain here,” she continued, “and I am going to walk free. I am going to live.”

“You can’t do that!” I shouted.

“You murdered me!” Alaine screamed in my face. “You took my life! You took me away from everything! You stole my fucking future!”

There was silence between us.

“And for what?” she continued. “For the fucking house? The money? Or did you just hate me that much? Like how much you hated our parents.”

“I loved you,” I cried.

She laughed. “You thought you could kill me and make up for killing me by planting a birch tree above my rotting body? You thought that you would continue through your shitty and miserable life without facing any consequence? Well, here we are in this place that’s cold and dark and damp and so damn lonely.”

I looked around, trying to see if there was anywhere I could run. The stone walls seemed to grow taller.

“You are not leaving here,” Alaine said. “You will continue to wear the clothing that cloaked my corpse and be reminded of what you did for eternity as you rot under this tree.”

She darted her head to the man and nodded. The bovid creature outstretched his arms toward me. In an instant, I rushed forward without a single thought in my mind. There was a pounding in my chest, and my fists were balled up tightly, wanting to put a stop to this. I aimed my right fist at the bovid man’s face. My left fist was wrapped around the leather notebook. I spat out a scream as I threw myself forward. I could feel the earth move beneath my bare feet. Then there was nothing, no movement at all. I was locked in place. My arm that was going at full force just a second ago was extended beyond my body, but static. The muscles in my face froze and my jaw tightened. I could feel the rigidness of the lines on my forehead. Then, I felt my legs give out and I fell to my knees. My arms fell to my sides like heavy logs and I couldn’t blink my eyes. No matter how hard I tried, my eyes wouldn’t close. 

Alaine gave out a small laugh. “Always resorting to violence, Donovan. My, you haven’t changed.”

I could not speak. My voice became lead in my throat.

The notebook, that I had been caring for this whole time, forced its way out of my protective grasp and into the hands of the creature that aimed to lead me to my death. I heard his voice in my head, so I could assume words were bleeding out onto the pages. Though I could not understand the words that were being thrown at me. A red light glowed from the notebook’s pages and the bovid man’s voice grew louder and louder in my head. Screaming, shouting. My thoughts were being shredded and were being replaced with him. It was him in my head. It was him. In the noise of it all, I glanced at Alaine who was veiled in a golden glow. The winds thrashed around us so violently, for a moment I had thought that the birch tree would come crashing down on us. Its leaves shook wildly and rained down around us. Alaine glowed brighter and brighter; enveloped in a golden light so grand, I could no longer see her smile but I could hear her gloating voice.

“I’ll tell Brutus you said goodbye. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see my face again.”

Then she vanished from the place that we were in. The place that I had sent her to. The place she had now trapped me in with this strange horned creature. Her glow dissipated from the graveyard and the words finally leaked from my head, leaving me with a silence that I had never experienced before. I could not hear. Meaning, I could never learn this creature’s name.

The bovid man regained his composure and the book that belonged to him floated above his palms and vanished before my eyes. He walked out of my field of vision and when I turned my head, I saw him sitting, relaxed, in a metal garden chair at a metal garden table. There was an empty seat waiting for me. I could imagine the conversations the bovid man and Alaine had while sitting at that very table. Oh, they must’ve had good conversations. On the table was a quaint tea set with two mugs that sat steaming in the cool air and I realized just how dry my throat actually was and how much I needed to drink whatever was poured into that cup. The bovid man gestured for me to take a seat and I knew that I would be spending a lot of time sitting here and drinking tea in this mirrored version of my family’s graveyard. There would be no more words. There would be no more sound. There would be just me, locked behind the tall walls of this graveyard, lost in an odd birch forest, with no one but this strange being that struck an enticing deal with my sister to allow her to walk the earth once more. I had thought that I had dealt with her. I thought that no one would ever know. Perhaps now, she would wake up in my bed, now hers—in my room—now hers again—in my fucking house, now hers and hers alone.